Where has the time gone?

I can't believe it has been so long since I have written. So much has changed in that year! Last fall I started working at our school in the preschool as a para. Love my time with the kiddos so much and the flexibility of having the same schedule as Delainee. I had surgery last August, I think, to remove a polyp from my uterus. This was the first time I had been back to my RE since our last cycle and miscarriage over a year before. So of course this brought back the should we, could we? So we decided to do a cycle. I did not want it to interfere with work so we planned it for over Christmas break. Sadly the cycle started off on a bad note and after starting progress it stopped and I was told it was over in January. I took a half day off of school, went up and did blood work, came home and got the call and had to go to work. Could I have called and told them I needed the rest of the day? Yeah but I figured it would help, and it did. To do even a frozen cycle it costs us over $4000 so we knew that was it for us. We can't just keep dumping money into the infertility cycles. April rolls around and I hadn't been feeling well. After my loss in January I started using an oil blend I made. Well for the first time in almost 7 years of trying I got pregnant, on my own! Holy Moly! I called my doctor and I am sure made no sense because I was so confused. Like how does this happen?! We went in and I was 6 weeks and we saw a tiny little flicker. It was such a welcome sight! We went back at 7 weeks and were able to hear the heartbeat and it was beating so strong! 9 weeks the same! My morning sickness started to let up around 10 weeks so I consulted Dr. Google and it seemed like that happens to some people. I was scared but reassured that it was normal. We went to the doctor the day after school got out and the ultrasound started and David said "aww look little arms and legs" but it was silent. I looked and looked "where is the flicker? I don't see the flicker!" I am sorry Melissa I am looking. How is this even possible?! I broke down and didn't know if I would keep breathing but somehow I did. Next the ultrasound tech looked after the doctor couldn't find it and she couldn't find it either. Our baby was gone. We did things different this cycle. We did blood thinner in case that was what was causing me to miscarry and still at 10 weeks our baby died. I had surgery the next day and mourned the loss of our baby and what would be. We bought a camper and decided to spend more time being intentional. We even camped for a week while Delainee had national dance competition. I have been gearing up for school to start since August has hit. Started to have sinus drainage and I instantly thought I am pregnant. Who seriously gets that and thinks that? I waited a few days and bought some tests. Sure enough! Pregnant! Twice on my own this year. I called my RE and went in Tuesday morning for blood work and Wednesday for and ultrasound. Too early for a heartbeat but we were pregnant! Were pregnant. Just a few days did we get to dream. Yesterday (Saturday) I miscarried. This time was different. I usually have a missed miscarriage but this was the "real deal". I called my doctor and was told to lay low yesterday and see if it would stop but it didn't. I went today to have my beta checked and sure enough it is lower than it was Tuesday. Our baby is gone before we even had a chance to get to know it. To barely dream. Three times this year we have been shattered. And three times we will pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and truck forward. Does it get easier? No. Is it different now? Sadly yes. This is our 6th miscarriage and 7th angel waiting for us in Heaven. Oh what a joyful homecoming that is going to be! All my babies meeting me as I join them in heaven! I can only image! And that is why I will end this post with this video. This has been played at some of the memorial services we have attended for our babies.