Our Beautiful Complicated Life: Happy Angelversary William

Yesterday was a day I never thought I would "celebrate". As the day grew closer and closer my anxiety went through the roof. How could it be a year? Our year should have looked so different. It should have been filled with kicks that David and Delainee could feel. It should have been filled with making a nursery. It should have been filled with first Christmas, first Easter, first Mother's Day and Father's Day as a bigger family. Starting baby food and learning to hold a bottle. Instead this year has been filled with different firsts. First holidays without our sweet boy and dreaming what he would be doing now had be been born around his December due date. He would be laughing at his silly sister and maybe even waking her at night. Instead our hearts are broken and will never be the same. No matter what our lives can't be the same. We can't undo the losses we have had. This week at bible school the kids were told about how God heals everyon, even if it isn't in the way we ask. William and his siblings have been healed in heaven. They never have to face this crazy world. That doesn't make it easy but knowing I will see them one day and have happy tears because I get to see their beautiful faces makes my heart happy.

Delainee is absolutely the best sister. As we celebrated William she told me "I will

be with you every step of the way today" and she was. She held me when I cried, she told me William is healed in heaven and she expressed her feeling to me. I am so thankful for her and David. I don't know if I would have made it without them. Our family may not be big on earth but it sure is in heaven!

A tradition in our house is chocolate chip pancakes for birthdays. So I felt it would only be right for William's Angelversary.

We added 2 statues to our flower bed around our mailbox. I have decided this would be a good place for our remembrance garden. We planted 4 burning bushes for our 4 Angels here.