Fertility Cycle #3

So as many of you know I am not patient, at all! This infertility is really not fitting into my plan. So we were going to wait until after the holidays for our next cycle. But I just couldn't wait! So we went back to the doctor on Dec 19 and started back to injections on Dec 21. This time she started me on 200 units of follistim. We went back on Dec 26 and I had follies growing but no front runners. My doctor said once again we should consider selective reduction because I may have several if we continue. I prayed and prayed about this and continued on with the cycle and we went back in 2 days on Saturday Dec. 28 and I had 3-4 mature big follies! The doctor said I needed to trigger right away so she gave me the shot right then. She said to come back the next morning for IUI! So our one night stay in a hotel turned into 2 which was more then fine with our 4 year old that loves staying in a hotel. So as I wrote this (January 8) I am in the 2ww (2 week wait). Last time I didn't dwell on it until 2 days before. I have 4 days and they are going so slow! I am praying at least one of those follies hatched into a beautiful egg that was fertilized! 

Well the day is here. And I knew for a few days what the result was going to be but today was the official day. BFN (big fat negative)! I cried yesterday so hopefully today will be a better day. I am sure I will cry some but hopefully not a lot. I ask myself why me? Why do I have to go through all of this? The heartaches when I get a negative. The broken heart when I look into my daughters eyes when she talks about when we have a brother or sister. The broken heart I have when I feel like I am letting everyone down, including my husband, that would love another child, grandchild, niece or nephew. And the heartache I feel thinking about Delainee's future not having a sibling. It is almost more then I can handle. Then I get a message from someone else with PCOS or infertility of some sort and that reminds me why me. Me because I am determined to get the word out. Me because if I can give hope or educate one person I am better off then when this all started. Me because I am stronger then I give myself credit for. What is our next step now? I will find out in the next few days but it is looking more and more like IVF and frankly I think I am ready. It is way more painful financially but has a higher success rate. And more control. So there would be no worry about over producing. The more I produce the better! I wish insurance covered IVF or even a portion of it! I don't know why people can have child after child living off the state but a person that pays to have insurance can't have coverage for a child they can afford! But that is just another subject that could keep me going for a long time! 

That is all for now. Prayers are appreciated!