Fertility cycle number two

November 1 I went back to the doctor after being on birth control for a month because of cysts. My ultrasound went great the cysts were gone so on the 3rd I started injections again. This time she started me at 100 units and I went back the following Friday. At that ultrasound there weren't any front runners and after getting my estrogen blood work they called and said to increase to 200 and come back Tuesday. On Tuesday I had a follie (egg) measuring at 17 which was great! A single front runner! So I did one more night of injections and on Wednesday night I triggered! That means on Friday we were doing IUI! I was extremely nervous for the trigger shot because David had to administer it in the muscle but he was so wonderful I didn't feel more then a prick of the needle. On Friday we went up and did the insemination! And the wait began! Two long weeks of waiting before I could test. My estrogen level that day was over 800. For one good egg they like it a over 200 so mine was exceptional! My lining was great and David's numbers were gold star achievable! Everything was perfect! Then finally today was the day to test. I have been thinking about it nonstop for two days. Wasn't sure I would be able to sleep last night! I was afraid to test because if it was negative it would be real. Until that lonely one line I could imagine the what ifs. Well reality had to hit and it hit me snack in the gut. One lonely line it was. It isn't fair. I wanted it to be positive so bad but no matter how hard I looked at it it wasn't changing. No cute ultrasound reveals at Christmas for family. No getting to tell Delainee finally there is a baby in my tummy, that she will be a big sister. We are taking a break until after the holidays. Treatments take up a lot of time. Ultrasounds 2-3 days a week and being hormonal. I would much rather enjoy the holidays and Delainee's Christmas break without that. So next year we will have a new start. And let's face it that is only just over a month away! 

Here is a picture of my first tree that is up :) 

Love my "nature tree". Can't wait to put more trees up! Decorating and having trees up is one of my favorite things! The end result is my favorite of course! Enjoy your Thanksgiving with family or friends and I will update when all my trees are up!

Nothing new to report...

When I went back after my last cycle started I had cysts because of the injections so there is nothing new to report because I was put on birth control for a month and I will go back soon to see if they are gone! Fingers crossed they are! I couldn't feel that they were in there so can't say I feel a difference. I am ready to try this again! If I over produce again it is recommended (she actually gave the option for this round) we do IVF. I am not ready for that because our insurance doesn't cover anything and IFV would take our fertility savings to nothing. And what if it didn't work? We would have to wait a good deal of time to do anything again. So I am just going to focus on today and the days ahead and say a lot of prayers! 

David is busy in the combine but has had short days because of frost or moisture in the mornings. I sure so miss him this time of year but also enjoy this time of year because it is so beautiful and I love the smell of harvest and the sound of a combine in the distance. 

My last post was about our dear Ally whom we had to put to sleep. I miss that girl every day! She was more then a dog she was another member of our family. To help our hearts heal we added a new member to our family. 

Meet Oliver 

The pictures are most recent back to 2 weeks ago! He has grown so much already! He really is a good puppy. Few accidents and sleeps all night and doesn't potty in his kennel! Good boy! For a while he was getting up at 4 to go out. Like having a newborn but a newborn you don't freeze you botty off when you get up. Lol. He will be going to training in a few weeks just like Ally did. She was a wonderful dog and we want to give him the chance to be the best he can be too. 

RIP Ally! You were a good damn dog!

The last week has been such a terrible week for us! A week ago today our girl Ally was hit by a pickup on our dirt road just past our house. We don't have a whole lot of traffic because it turns to dirt after our house but harvest has begun. Ally loved to chase vehicles but always stayed on the bank so this is all still a mystery to us. In fact Monday morning when we came home from town I tricked her and drove past the house and she ran on the bank behind us and then stopped and was waiting for us when we turned around and came home. David was enjoying his coffee before heading over to the farm Monday morning and when he went outside and had been in and out of the truck he just knew there was something wrong. So he drove down the dirt road (stop reading if you don't want details) and found our girls tail in the road. We spent the next hour and a half searching for Ally. Kellie came over and was helping us and decided to look on the other side of the road and saw her head and ears through a pine tree. What we found was our girl alive but in bad shape. She could walk but her abdomen was filleted open and her tail had been ripped out so her hind end was very messed up. We took her to the vet and he said he would do his best to put her back together but couldn't guarantee she would be able to function properly. Through out the week we went in and Thursday even brought her home to try and get her to eat. She couldn't urinate without him pressing her bladder and we still didn't know if she would have bowel control because she wouldn't eat. Well Thursday night he force feed her gravy and Friday morning when we saw her you could tell she had more strength. Unfortunately when we went in Saturday morning, expecting to bring her home for the day the vet told us she had now bowel control. At that point the hard choice had to be made to put her down. She was an inside dog so she couldn't live like that and neither could we. We are trying to expand our family and having dog poop on the floor and shampooing the carpet constantly isn't a healthy environment for anyone, let alone a baby or our 4 year old daughter. It was so hard to say goodbye to Ally and I miss her beyond words. Even though she hasn't been home for a week now except for a day visit I wake up expecting her to meet me in the living room after I go to the bathroom so she can go outside to potty. I would let her out on the deck and she would take off barking to scare off anything that may be in the dark. She wasn't big barker, the vet said she never barked when we would board her when we were out of town. Bless her heart she was just the best girl a family could ask for. I was going through my computer and found this video of her. This was our typical Ally.

 

RIP Miss Ally, we love you so damn much!

 

Feeling Bummed...

I went in on September 4 for my cycle day 3 baseline ultrasound and got the all clear to start Follistim. I started at 75iu a day and was scheduled to go back September 9. Well I went back today and only small follies and I just got the call my E2 (Esterase) level is 49, it should be 100's. So my dose is increased to 225iu a day! Triple what I was on. I go back Thursday the 12th for an ultrasound and blood work. I am praying with all of my heart that this helps! I wouldn't have had enough medication for that high of a dose so luckily my Dr. gave me a sample to add to mine. That saves a considerable amount of $ but moving forward if this cycle doesn't work and my dose was that high it will be so much more $ then I could have ever expected! Just really don't know what to think at this point. I want to be hopeful but just feeling bummed right now. Hopefully Thursday I will fell better about this.


Well I went back yesterday (September 12th) and I had 1 follie on each side measuring 12 which was an increase from 7 so yay! I had lots of little ones she said which hopefully they don't decide to start responding because we don't need to over stimulate and then have a wasted cycle. But I am not going to focus on the what if I am going to focus on the fact that there are 2 follies that are growing! I am continuing on 225iu a day until Sunday and will go back then to have my blood drawn and ultrasound. Oh and I forgot to mention Monday my E2 was 49 Monday and 534 yesterday! So I am responding nicely! They want your level to be 200-600 per mature follie when you trigger and so far I am in that range for when that time comes and it should only rise!

September 15- Well my fear happened :( I over stimulated. 8 eggs were nearly mature so the cycle was canceled. Very bummed! So now the wait is on once again. I am sad that we have to start over with a new cycle, and mad that we spent so much $ on medicine but glad I guess that the first cycle is behind us and we can all learn from it and know what to expect. The dr will be more conservative next cycle so hopefully I won't over produce. We could have continued this cycle but we weren't willing to reduce in the event of more then 3 babies and a multiple pregnancy above that is just too dangerous and my Dr won't proceed, which I can't say I blame her. We certainly couldn't imagine that many babies either because it would involve so many risks. So we are in Omaha and going to enjoy the day with Delainee at Amazing Pizza Machine. :) 

September is PCOS Awareness Month

How ironic is it that our first fertility treatment is going to be during PCOS Awareness Month? PCOS is real and so many people could be living with it and don't even know it! That is my main reason for not keeping my disease and struggle a secret. I hope by me being open about my story I can  help even one women discover that she too may be going through the same thing and not getting the answers that I did not get. For a long time I had a feeling I had PCOS. I would say the first time I brought it up to my OBGYN was the summer before I meet David so that would have been 2006. I had been going to a different OBGYN for irregular bleeding but instead of the absent bleeding I often had I had spotting a lot. Well I switched to a different OBGYN and he did an ultrasound and I had a polyp in my uterus. Simple fix with surgery. I mentioned then that my younger sister was diagnosed with PCOS and wondered if I could have it. I was assured he didn't think I did. The next time I questioned it with the same Dr. would have been June 2008 when we had tried to get pregnant for 6 months. Again he wasn't worried about PCOS but checked my thyroid and it was normal. We found out in August I was pregnant and had a relatively normal pregnancy. After Delainee was 1 we decided we would start trying again because it took over 6 months last time so that would be a perfect age apart. So fast forward to 6 months of trying and getting periods that last a month long after irregular periods. Went to family practitioner and had a ultrasound done and there was nothing wrong. I was told to go on birth control to regulate my period. Seriously? I am trying to get pregnant! I took it for one month and still had bleeding for a month so called my OBGYN. Again I asked about PCOS and it was pushed to the side. I was put on provera to regulate my period and clomid and should be pregnant by summer. Well that was summer of 2011. March 2013 I went to a Endocrinologist where my best friend just so happened to work. I had blood tests done for PCOS finally. And got the news, everything looked normal! How is that possible!? I just knew it was PCOS and now no answers! I was referred to Dr. Doherty but had a 16 week waiting period to get in to see her for a consultation. Someone with such a long wait has to be worth it! So in July we went and had our consultation and she told me right away I have PCOS and wrote me a script for Metformin and Provera. I had a test done to look and make sure my tubes are open and uterus looks good and it was a go for that. So now we just wait for my cycle to start so we can go back and see if we get the green light for fertility medication! This is kind of a rambling post but the point I am trying to make is if you don't think you are getting the answers you should find someone who will keep digging for you and specializes in your problem. Infertility is a disease, you wouldn't trust your heart to a dermatologist would you? So why trust your infertility to someone that doesn't specialize in it? An OBGYN can get you farther but a Reproductive Endocrinologist is who will really know what to look for. If you read this and have any questions you would like to keep private email me thompsonmelissa@hotmail.com or if you have me on FB message me. I certainly don't know all there is to know but I do have personal experience.

Ready or not...

Well the FedEx man came with a special delivery today! 

My fertility meds are here! Very mixed emotions are going on for me. I am ready for the next step but never thought this would be our reality. The odds are not in our favor for this to work the first time but we will continue to pray that God has this happen when he feels that it is best, not when we do. So now all I can do is wait for my period to start! Took my last Prevera today so hopefully within a few days and then praying everything looks good so we are good to go! Asking for continued prayers during this time and times to come. Have a wonderful Labor Day weekend!

No normal cycle for this girl

Well Friday would have been a 28 day cycle and sure enough no call no show. Now I am not going to fire my reproductive system but if she was in the workforce that would happen! I took an ovulation test and it was positive! So I had hope! Well turns out after talking to a nurse at Dr. Doherty's office yesterday with PCOS there is LH in my system at all times so it can show up a false positive, PCOS strikes again! So that was a bummer because I still had hope maybe just maybe we could do this on our own without needles and hormones. But I did get the all clear to start Provera again. Provera is a pill that I take 10 days and then after I am done taking it I should start my period within a few days. Last time it was within 2 days so if my calculations are right it should start the weekend of our 6th anniversary! Happy Anniversary Babe ;). Then comes labor day so praying it starts on our anniversary as crazy as that sounds because they would likely schedule my ultrasound for Tuesday instead of the Holiday. They are a 7 day clinic with extremely limited hours on weekends and holidays. So limited that we would have to be there before 7:30 in the morning! So pray that our appointment would land after the holiday! David won't be able to go with me to our appointment because he will have to take Delainee to school. Regular office days for those types of appointments are before 9:30 and it is in West Omaha so nearly a 2 hour drive. I will hopefully have company from someone so I don't have to make that drive by myself. I am going to call and order my injections today since I know we will need them in the next couple weeks, as long as the ultrasound looks good when I get my cycle. Please pray everything goes great so that we can get this ball rolling. The "odds" aren't great with IUI but we are working against 0% luck in the last 3+ years so it is better then that! I can't say how much we appreciate each and every prayer and will continue to appreciate them. We could be facing some happy or sad times ahead but God has a plan for us.

In other news our daughter started her second year of preschool yesterday! She is one of the "big kids this year". So crazy she is already this old! She was so excited for school yesterday and even today still! Here is a couple pictures of her before school!

 

 

 

This is soon my reality

So I have been thinking a lot about the next step in our journey. And this is what it looks like.

Alcohol wipes, needles, injection pen and a sharps container. I wouldn't say I am afraid of needles. I have four tattoos after all. I just can't imagine giving myself shots or David for that matter! But I better just get over that because reality is David will be giving me shots and if he is unavailable I will have to do it myself. We opted for the pen type rather then the one that goes in the buttock (like how I'm being proper. Lol) so I could do it myself but hope I won't. I would probably need a stiff drink before that and they prefer you drink in moderation while doing fertility treatments! :) Anyone that knows me knows that won't be a problem because I don't have a taste for alcohol. Another benefit with the pen is no mixing. With the inter-muscular injections (in the butt) we would mix powder with saline solution then suck it up into the syringe and then change the needle because you don't use the same one to inject. With the pen that little creamer looking container in the picture has the needle. You screw it on to the end of the pen which will have the medicine in it. You dial the pen in at the end for how many units you are to use and then inject. Pretty dummy proof! Then unscrew the needle part and put it in the sharps container and put the pen in the fridge. That is it! We can do this! Now praying my cycle will start on a "normal" time so we can get started.   

Nothing new on the home front

I haven't updated for a while but there isn't anything new with our journey. Just the waiting game! And this feels like the longest time of my life! I am so ready to move on to the next step and in order to do that we have to wait for my next cycle. I am just praying it is normal because of the metformin so that we will at least be moving on sooner! I haven't been doing the low carb like I should but as long as I stay away from sweets it doesn't bother me too much. But then I made this and well I just had to suffer from it because it is so damn good!

This is chocolate chocolate chip zucchini bread. It tastes like brownie! So so so good! I highly recommend you getting on Pinterest and searching the recipe! I made some more the next day and put them in the freezer for the day when I can eat it without a belly ache! 

We took Delainee down to KC to T-Rex on Wednesday and stayed in a hotel. That girl loves staying in a hotel! David said our next trip should be to the T in town because she would love it just as much. Lol. Although part of the excitement is the swimming pool so Tarkio probably wouldn't qualify! We also did a little shopping and she got way into it! I mean dressing room and all! I am not a big shopper myself only for Delainee so at least David will only be in trouble with her and not me too! Here she is when we were getting ready to leave Thursday

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This is one of her new dresses that she picked out! She couldn't pass up a good photo op! She said mom here take my picture by this! She is so fun! I don't know what I would ever do without her. Never a dull moment! 

Well that is about all of the excitement we have has lately! Happy Friday!  

Moving in the right direction!

So today I went in for a Sono Hysterosalpingogram (SSG). This was performed to make sure everything looked good in my uterus and fallopian tubes. All checked out good and she confirmed I have polycystic ovaries. That was not really a surprise but yet it was in a way. I guess it is just a confirmation of what I already knew but it just helps me to think I haven't been crazy for these past 5 years when I have known something wasn't right but was continually told that it wasn't PCOS. For so long I have known something wasn't right but it wasn't until we were trying for Delainee that I really knew.  Here is an example of what the difference between PCOS and normal ovaries.

So after I start my next cycle, either on my own or with the help or provera, we will be moving on to the next step. That will be injectables. This will be once a day for 7-10 days in the thigh. We could have done in the rear but the needle was longer and we would have to mix it. LOL So we opted for the option with a pen. I will still probably have David administer them because I can't imagine giving myself a shot in the leg or anywhere for that matter! Won't really bore you with all the details of that right now since it is still a month plus away.

I am on Metformin 3 a day now and have been doing horrible with the low carb eating so tomorrow is a new day and I can do this! This is going to help my dreams come true!

And on another subject we decided (I didn't want to cook and wanted one last bad cheat off low carb) to go to McDonalds and eat inside for supper tonight. While there 2 ladies and 4 kids came in. Now I don't want to sound mean but you just know when you see someone that isn't putting healthy "substances" into their body and one of the ladies that was pregnant mind you just gave me that vibe. The kids were all wound to the max and the pregnant mom seemed like she could snap. While the kids were eating their dollar menu burgers and sharing a fry I heard one little boy say we can't get happy meals because we can't afford it. It just broke my heart. Then a while later a little girl maybe around Delainee's age or younger said "can we please get a McDonalds toy?" How sad :( While we were walking out David had Delainee's toy (which she already had one I know bad parents we eat out too much). David walked by and did his typical "hi how are you" to the mom and then he gave the little girl the toy. Seriously touched my heart. Delainee noticed I think because she said "uh mom" and I just said Delainee no so that I wouldn't get a "MOM THAT IS MY TOY". We left McDonalds and Delainee didn't even mention the toy. Had she brought it up I would have explained to her what a good thing that was to do but maybe she just knew? So proud to be married to such a wonderful man!

Two weeks down many to go!

Last week I increased my metformin to 2 a day and I have survived! This week will be the true test because I have to increase to 3 times a day! I had a few bad days that I over did it on carbs and shouldn't have but they were so good :) I am down 7.4 pounds in 2 weeks so it is working! I am not taking it for weight loss obviously but it is a huge plus! I did enjoy some sweet corn and will until it is gone because it is only once a year we have fresh corn so why would I miss out? :) This week we will have another appointment to do my ultrasound to make sure everything looks good in my uterus and fallopian tubes so that we can move forward. That is really the only update I have. All is going well so far with medication and diet so far besides being tired of noncarb foods! One food I am very fond of right now is zucchini and spaghetti squash baked with butter! So good! I was told about Atkins bars and shakes by a friend and bought some and so far they are great! I think a shake for breakfast will be my new go to! The hardest part about those is explaining to Delainee those are mine and I am not sharing :) They are just so expensive and she doesn't need a high protein shake or bar.

The garden is growing like crazy! We have tomato plants pushing 5 feet tall and lots and lot of spaghetti squash putting on. We planted black beans and pinto beans too and some of them are starting to dry down it is very exciting :) I love gardening :) This year the weeds have gotten ahead of us as well as green beans so we are going to replant those which we did last year and it worked great for a later harvest. I have put up 18 quarts from one picking so I am sure I will get plenty from the next planting too. Today I think I will work on zucchini relish prep and possibly can a pint or two of jalapenos since I have some but no tomatoes ready for salsa making.

Happy Monday!

Educational Post

I think I should probably give a little education on PCOS, treatments and medications. So I will start with PCOS. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a condition in which a woman has an imbalance of a female sex hormones. This may lead to menstrual cycle changes, cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other health changes. There are many different symptoms for PCOS and you can check those out here, this is also where I got the definition of PCOS. I don't have all of these symptoms but do have some of them. 1 in 10-15 women is effected by PCOS. That means out of my 300 female facebook friends 20-30 could have PCOS. That is just crazy to me! Fertility in itself is much higher then one may think. 1 in 8 couples are affected by infertility that is 7.3 million American women having trouble conceiving! Did you know that? I sure didn't! It is because nobody talks about it. I have a disease just like people have diabetic or high blood pressure or even cancer but I am not suppose to talk about mine. Because as a women it is personal to not be able to get pregnant. All women can get pregnant, right? WRONG! I just wish that it wasn't such a secret for people and they would share their stories. It sure is nice to know you are not alone.

I could go on and on but I will move on to the treatment I am doing. Right now I am taking Metformin. Metformin (BP, pronounced /mɛtˈfɔrmɨn/, met-FAWR-min; originally sold as Glucophage) is an oral antidiabetic drug in the biguanide class. It is the first-line drug of choice for the treatment of type 2 diabetes, in particular, in overweight and obese people and those with normal kidney function.  Its use in gestational diabetes has been limited by safety concerns. It is also used in the treatment of  polycystic ovary syndrome, and has been investigated for other diseases where insulin resistance may be an important factor. Metformin works by suppressing glucose production by the liver. Basically when used for PCOS it is used to help trigger your brain to ovulate or at least get you closer then not using it. I was instructed by my doctor to also follow a low carb diet with this and research I have read supports this being a good diet for PCOS in general.

So far that is the only treatment we are using but with time that may change. As our treatment plan changes I will update my blog. In closing I am going to include some pictures that best describe how I feel about PCOS and secondary infertility.

I just need to keep reminding myself I can do this...

So today is day 5 of low carbs! And when I say low carbs I mean no bread, pasta, potatoes, fruit, chips, crackers and anything sweet and yummy. The only carbs I have been consuming (with the exception of one night I did have a whole grain bun) are from things such as cottage cheese, almonds, peanut butter and ketchup! Those are very low in net carbs as long as I don't eat 100 servings in a day! I would have to say I have been consuming less that 50 grams a day. Today my stomach has been in knots and all week I just haven't really cared to eat much. Great diet plan! A side effect of the Metformin is loss of appetite so I am blaming that! I want bread and pasta so bad that the thought of some foods that are low carb just makes me almost gag! I like my ham, egg and cheese sandwich from Torrey Pines for breakfast. I don't want to eat eggs! The thought of eggs is one of those foods. And I only had them 2 days! So my breakfast has been consisting of celery and peanut butter or cottage cheese. I know this is going to get better and honestly if it wasn't for the potential outcome I wouldn't be still doing this! I have started off with 1 metformin a day at breakfast (darn stuff has to be taken with food or I would skip breakfast) and next week it will be breakfast and supper and finally the 3rd week one at each meal. Which I guess makes me have to eat something 3 times a day! All griping aside :) here is my yummy supper I did have!

 

 

Hamburger grilled by my amazing husband, green beans with bacon and squash/zucchini/broccoli butter bliss :) Hey at least there were veggies in that butter ;). It was all very good. So thankful for the squash from my sister in law! Nothing tastes as good as fresh grown from the garden! The only thing that could have made this meal better would have been a bun but oh well. Happy Friday! 

The day has come and gone...

Well July 3 we went and saw our Fertility Endocrinologist Dr. Maud Doherty in Omaha. She was so so nice and we loved her! I have to admit I was very nervous because some of the things I read online said that she was short and didn't answer questions just sent you home with material. This was not the case at all! She would explain things then ask "questions?". She diagnosed me with PCOS. This wasn't really a shock to me because there was really no other condition I could see it being and it was actually a bit of a relief to have a name to my infertility! So Monday I started taking Metformin to get me ovulating or at least closer to ovulating then I am now. Prior to our appointment I took 30 ovulation tests and didn't get a single positive. So frustrating and expensive!  She also put me on provera for 10 days to help jumpstart a cycle. After my next cycle I will go back for a sonogram of sorts to make sure there are no abnormalities in my uterus (I have had a polyp previously) and make sure at least one of my tubes is open. From there I will become a pin cushion from blood draws and potently injectables but right now it is one day at a time! I will be eating a low carb diet in conjunction to the metformin so I may feel like I am going to die some days! I love my carbs so much but I want to expand our family even more so I can do this! I will do this!

After 3 years it is time for the next step...

Well it has now been over 3 years of TTC and we have an upcoming appointment with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (Fertility Dr.). I am prepared for anything at this point, I think, but can I really be completely prepared? The hardest thing for me I think is the fact that insurance doesn't cover infertility (or at least mine doesn't some group plans do). The amount of money that could be involved is just scary. But how can you put a price limit on your dreams for yourself and your family? I just have to trust in God that everything will work out. We haven't shared with very many people that we are even onto this step and only 1 person even knows when the appointment is. We  I just don't want the added pressure. So many people already think it is their business when it isn't that I just want to keep things private until I am comfortable talking about it more. That would be why I have created this blog. Then I can put my feeling out into cyber land. So as the months, weeks and days get closer to our appointment I think I will just continue to have that butterfly feeling more and more. Not only because I am nervous but mostly because I am hopeful! In the next 18-24 months I am hoping and praying we will have another bundle of joy(s) to hold in our arms. Until then I will hold my beautiful, sassy, funny and sweet 4 year old girl. She is our world and we could not be any more proud of her!