Infertility is defined as trying and not getting pregnant despite having carefully timed, unprotected sex for one year. It also is getting pregnant but not being able to carry a baby to term. Secondary infertility is defined as the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term, following the birth of one or more biological children. The birth of the first child does not involve any assisted reproductive technologies or fertility medications.
As most of you know that are reading this we have secondary infertility. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter that is our world. After 3 years of trying for a sibling we finally went to an Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Before for doing to the RE I went to a standard RE and thyroid and PCOS was ruled out. I just knew there was something wrong yet once again nothing was pinpointed. We waited the long 16 weeks to get into the RE and as soon as she came in she said "you have PCOS" FINALLY a diagnosis that I knew all along yet everyone was telling me no. PCOS goes beyond blood tests. There are synptoms and the condition of the ovaries themselves. I had not even had an ultrasound at that point but she knew. Sure enough at my next appointment the ultrasound showed poly cystic ovaries. David was checked and cleared so essentially our infertility tests on my shoulders. No matter how much you shouldn't blame yourself it is hard not to. Infertility can take you to dark places. Since almost 2 years ago our journey has taken many twists and turns. We started with an IUI cycle, it got canceled because of over stimulation. We did 2 more cycles both were what the infertility world calls BFN (big fat negative). Next we moved onto IVF. In February 2014 we did egg retrieval. 5 days later we transferred 2 beautiful beyond. 8 days later we found out once again BFN. This was by far the hardest because my doctor had no reason why this cycle didn't work. Everything was PERFECT. The next month we transferred 2 more embryos. 8 days later once again we waited for the call with our blood results (I didn't test before). They called and BFP! We were pregnant! Finally our dreams are coming true! We went in at 6 weeks and saw 1 heartbeat and one embryo measuring behind. It was 50/50 if there would be a heartbeat next time. We went back one week later and there was a heartbeat on baby A this time but it was slow. Baby B looked right on track. Then 2 more weeks later we found out baby A didn't make it but baby B looked great. Next appointment was great and our next appointment was scheduled for just over 16 weeks with a new doctor. We were hoping to find out what the baby was, I couldn't get the sinking feeling out of my stomach. We went in and the tech asked if we wanted to know if she could tell and we said of course. She was quiet. Kept taking measurements and I kept searching for my babies flicker on that screen. By this point I was good at reading the ultrasound or at least where to see the heart. She stopped the exam, apologized and told us she was not finding the heartbeat. She went and got the doctor and he confirmed our baby passed within 24-48 hours before our appointment. Our biggest fears were now reality. All we could do is sob. The staff was great. The doctor explained our options and we decided to deliver the next day. I won't get into that but it was November before we were able to transfer again. Once again we transferred 2 embryos and once again BFN! We had 3 more embryos left and I told our dr I wanted them all. They thawed all 3 but only 2 woke up. It resulted in a BFP and we were due to go back December 30 for our first ultrasound. On Christmas Day, 6 months exactly since we delivered our sweet boy into Heaven, as we were releasing balloons I started bleeding. I was on bed rest through the weekend and on Monday we found out I was miscarrying. I don't think we have ever been ready to bring in a new year. We decided we will do one more IVF cycle. We had testing done on both of us for genetics and everything came back normal. We still decided to proceed with PGS (pre genetic screening) on our next embryos. We did this in March of this year. I responded much better then I ever had to injections and we decided to only send 13 of our embryos to be tested (it costs a flat fee for up to 8 then so much each embryo after that). Our of the 13 embryos 9 came back normal. This is completely normal. Once again no we don't have genetic markers that make us carriers for anything. Think about it this way. Not everyone gets pregnant every month they try. It is because of so many reasons but sometimes the egg and sperm don't make an embryo that would be compatible with life and it doesn't implant. Our 4 that didn't come back normal were all not compatible with life. None would have made it out of the first trimester.
So that is where we are right now. That is our story up until this point. I pray one of our embryos will get to go home and make a take home healthy baby. When will we transfer? That is a decision David and I will make and it will be our little secret. We have a 6 year old who misses her brother more then anyone could ever understand. It is my JOB to protect her. If we tell someone we are transferring it would be her. And we aren't telling her because if we miscarry again I want to shield her as much as possible. The longer she knows I am pregnant the harder it is for her about a loss. She didn't know about the last loss until after and it doesn't affect her like losing William. She wants to be a sister to a brother or sister that is alive. And I can tell you she is the best sister to a heavenly brother that anyone could be! We appreciate prayers as we continue our journey and pray one day we will get to share wonderful news with everyone.
Be kind to everyone, you never know who is struggling with infertility. I also have to remind myself just because someone has been married for years or because they have an older child doesn't mean getting pregnant comes easy to them.
If you have infertility please don't feel ashamed. You are not alone. Infertility comes in many shapes and sizes but we are all in this group together. The more we speak out the more awareness will be brought to this. And hopefully one day insurance will have to cover infertility just like they do other diseases.
