IVF

So a lot has gone on since I last posted. I was waiting to find out from our RE what she recommended for our next step. Well she recommended IVF. So here is our journey...

On January 14th David and I went in for our pre-IVF bloodwork. They want to make sure you don't have anything blood born that you would pass on so they test for HIV, Hepatitis C and B and also RPR. I also had a cycle day 3 lab draw at the same time to check FSH, Thyroid, E2 and I think something else. I am the worlds worst person to give blood. My veins are like not existent! They have a light they can put on my arm to see the veins and they are like little spider veins and one good one in each arm! If I am lucky they stick me once buy usually I am

Not that lucky. And sometimes I get to go home with matching bruises! I have been stuck for blood more times through this then I have my whole life! Then on January 15 I started birth control (who knew getting pregnant meant preventing it lol). The birth control helps to get my body ready for the medication that is going to he thrown it's way. 

On February 7 I went up for a baseline ultrasound and another blood draw! The lab techs are starting to recognize me and not in a good way! My doctor is the one that typically draws my blood. Everything looked good so I started Follistim 225 a night on February 8-12 and back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on the 13th. Once again everything was looking just as planned. My E2 was 505 which they said was right on course. So I continued the same dose and on the 15th added Ganirelix also. This is to keep me from ovulating on my own and to stop an front runners from getting too far ahead. I went back the 16th for yep you guessed it ultrasound and bloodwork. My E-2 was 1465 or something like that. They called and said to do one more night of both meds then on Monday I would trigger for a Wednesday egg retrieval. 

Egg retrieval February 19!

We had to be at the hospital at 730 for a 830 retrieval. I couldn't eat or drink past midnight and we had to make the nearly 2 hour drive. I survived it better then I thought I would. So I waited around in the preop room for about an hour then they wheeled me over to the OR and I walked in, the embryologist came and checked my wristband and then my doctor helped me up onto the table. I stretched my arms out, they strapped them down, gave me some oxygen and said they were going to put my medicine in my IV. Next thing I know I am waking up in recovery. Shortly they brought David back and I drank some Sierra mist (this is in no way the same as sprite!) and some graham crackers. We were able to leave by 1030 I think it was. I can't remember exactly. I was sore to say the least. Bloated and sore! Oh yeah I almost forgot the exciting part they retrieved 19 eggs! My right ovary had to be pushed over because it wanted to hang out on my uterus so they said I would feel like I had been punched in the gut. They were right! I took Tylenol and rested for most the day. We went to a play that our nephew Dayton was in that evening (which was so good and funny). The next day I felt much better. They called with my fertilization report but not until nearly 2! Out of the 19 eggs 15 were mature. And 14 fertilized! What a huge number! Then Saturday they called and said everything was looking great and we would be doing a 5 day transfer so Monday was the day! They would call with our report on Monday but we had to go ahead and head up because we are a 2 hour drive. Oh and since my retrieval I had to do nightly shots of progesterone in oil. I was so scared after seeing some peoples posts but they weren't that bad! This is to help sustain a pregnancy because it wasn't a natural cycle so generally the body wouldn't produce it. 

Transfer Day February 24!

We hadn't much more then drop Delainee off and were headed out of Tarkio when my doctor called. She said they all had made it to day 5 and we had plenty of beautiful embryos to choose from so we were on! Now the only choice was 1 or 2 embryos. 2 of course! I could eat and had to drink to get my bladder full. We got there, checked in and then moved over to the hospital and waited for about an hour until it was time for transfer. So we (David got to go for this!) went to the operating from. Our babysitter (embryologist) came and checked my band like before and then on the table I went. This time I got to be awake. They started the ultrasound (I drank like 50 oz but must have been dehydrated because my bladder could have been fuller!) and my doctor did a test run with the catheter so she could put the embryos into the perfect spot. Then she said ready! The big tv screen turned on and there they were. Out embryos in the dish waiting to be put into the catheter and then into my uterus where they belonged. After she put them in (I was looking in the wrong spot on the screen but David saw they leave the catheter) they flush the catheter to make sure both came out and they had! Now I was to stay for another hour then home (laying down the seat) and bedrest for 24 hours. I had some pretty good company :) Here is a picture of 6 of our 14 embryos. 

Next is a picture of an embry cycle so you have something to compare to. 

As you can see 5 out of these 6 are at the day 5 stage. So now the wait is on! 8 days!

The results are in. 

So now we are all caught up to today March 4th. We drove up to Omaha, they drew my blood (first try) and we were on our way. The wait was on. They said a couple hours. We did some shopping then we were going to go to lunch but I couldn't even think of food! David grabbed something fast and we headed south. I kept looking at my phone. That wasn't making it ring so I set it down and was just listening to the radio and it started to ring. My heart skipped a beat. I was met with my doctors voice on the other end. Next thing I hear was "I just can't even believe this but I have bad news". My heart sank. My worst fear was happening. Why?! I listened to her as she said she was in complete shock because these were the most beautiful embryos she had seen in a long time. She said this happens sometimes, not often but it does happen. She said they all thought for sure I would be pregnant with twins and she never even considered it coming back negative. She said not to beat myself up too much and that this doesn't mean anything about the figure. We still have 8 beautiful embryos in the freezer and as soon as we are ready we can move forward. Cry and be sad but then we move on. She asked if I had any questions and honestly I didn't. And I couldn't ask them if I did because I was fighting back the tears. I broke down as soon as I hung up. We have tried so hard! For almost 4 years and here we are, still trying. I am certain I am not done crying but I am certain we will keep trying. It doesn't seem fair and I don't feel like I am being impatient but God has a plan. My heart hurts but I have a wonderful husband to hold me and wonderful family and friends to lean on. Prayers are still appreciated when you think about us and our journey. Someday I will have wonderful news to report I just know it! 

PS this is a long post and I have no desire to proofread so please excuse spelling and anything that doesn't flow :) 

Fertility Cycle #3

So as many of you know I am not patient, at all! This infertility is really not fitting into my plan. So we were going to wait until after the holidays for our next cycle. But I just couldn't wait! So we went back to the doctor on Dec 19 and started back to injections on Dec 21. This time she started me on 200 units of follistim. We went back on Dec 26 and I had follies growing but no front runners. My doctor said once again we should consider selective reduction because I may have several if we continue. I prayed and prayed about this and continued on with the cycle and we went back in 2 days on Saturday Dec. 28 and I had 3-4 mature big follies! The doctor said I needed to trigger right away so she gave me the shot right then. She said to come back the next morning for IUI! So our one night stay in a hotel turned into 2 which was more then fine with our 4 year old that loves staying in a hotel. So as I wrote this (January 8) I am in the 2ww (2 week wait). Last time I didn't dwell on it until 2 days before. I have 4 days and they are going so slow! I am praying at least one of those follies hatched into a beautiful egg that was fertilized! 

Well the day is here. And I knew for a few days what the result was going to be but today was the official day. BFN (big fat negative)! I cried yesterday so hopefully today will be a better day. I am sure I will cry some but hopefully not a lot. I ask myself why me? Why do I have to go through all of this? The heartaches when I get a negative. The broken heart when I look into my daughters eyes when she talks about when we have a brother or sister. The broken heart I have when I feel like I am letting everyone down, including my husband, that would love another child, grandchild, niece or nephew. And the heartache I feel thinking about Delainee's future not having a sibling. It is almost more then I can handle. Then I get a message from someone else with PCOS or infertility of some sort and that reminds me why me. Me because I am determined to get the word out. Me because if I can give hope or educate one person I am better off then when this all started. Me because I am stronger then I give myself credit for. What is our next step now? I will find out in the next few days but it is looking more and more like IVF and frankly I think I am ready. It is way more painful financially but has a higher success rate. And more control. So there would be no worry about over producing. The more I produce the better! I wish insurance covered IVF or even a portion of it! I don't know why people can have child after child living off the state but a person that pays to have insurance can't have coverage for a child they can afford! But that is just another subject that could keep me going for a long time! 

That is all for now. Prayers are appreciated! 

2013 Year in Review

January we started the year off at the most magical place on earth, Disney World. We watched the fireworks at Magic Kingdom where we were surrounded by fireworks from all of the parks. It was absolutely magical, and insane! I highly recommend you do not go to Disney World at this time unless you like it crazy! I also highly recommend staying at a Disney resort and taking their shuttles. Total life saver and probably a marriage saver if you go during a crazy busy time like we did! We did have a great time of meeting princesses and seeing a show though. Next time we go, and there will be a next time, we will try to go during a less busy time.

March I went to and Endocrinologist and had blood work (not on the 3rd day like it is suppose to be done) and was diagnosed with nothing. No thyroid problems and no PCOS. I was referred on to Dr. Maud Dorherty who is a Fertility Endocrinologist. I called and made our appointment for 16 weeks from that day! So crazy she has such a wait!

March Delainee also turned 4 (This is the most important thing that happened in March just going in order). We had a birthday party for her with some of our family, her friends and some of our friends. It was a great time. She got way more then she needed and we ate way more cake then we needed! She also got tickets to Taylor Swift for her birthday! We had a great time at the concert with my sister in law and Delainee's cousin. The girls loved it and I did too. If you haven't seen Taylor Swift perform you should she puts on a wonderful show.

May I turned 28. Depressing every birthday I have that we don't have another baby.

July 3rd we had our consultation with Dr. Dorherty. She diagnosed me right away with PCOS and gave us our plan after medical history and talking to us. We were very impressed with her. She is straight forward but is willing to answer questions.

September we celebrated our 6th anniversary. Crazy to think how fast time has gone. We also started our first fertility cycle. And we also had to stop our first fertility cycle with over production. Very depressing to have to give up on a cycle, our first cycle at that.

October was Halloween, Delainee dressed up as Rapunzel for Halloween and we went to our farm neighbors then headed over to Charlie and Millie Hurst's for soup. Delainee absolutely loves Millie so we spend most of our evening there and then ventured on to town to about 4 houses. Luckily we meet up with Grandma White who had a big bag of candy for Delainee so that took up a lot of space in her bag and once we got home we put that together with Grandma Thompson's and well we still have Halloween candy! She isn't huge on candy which is great!

November we did our second cycle and first IUI, which resulted in a negative pregnancy test :( We decided then we would wait until after the holidays. We had Thanksgiving with my dad's family and also my mom's family. And my wonderful husbands birthday just happen to be Thanksgiving this year so I surprised him with a cake. So once again we ate way too much cake before putting the rest in the freezer!

December we had Delainee's school program, finished up dance until January, and Christmas'. First we had Christmas with my family, then David's family, then just us and finally my moms family came to our house. In my last post I said I would put pictures of my trees up so here you go :)

So after thinking about the last year and I have been thinking anyway there are a few things I would like to do in 2014. I am praying we are able to become pregnant in 2014 if not have a baby in 2014. I want to continue to show Delainee how to be a good person, have manners and that things are things. That being said for her birthday this year I am asking family to not buy her a gift. Keep reading :) I got the idea from a blog and I wish I knew which one because I would give credit but I want family to buy an experience rather then a gift. It can be going to a movie, getting a pedicure, going to the zoo, the list goes on and on but nothing that is going to get lost in her mountain of toys. I want this to happen in the month of March so that she gets to celebrate her birthday all month long. We won't do a family birthday party this year just friends. Family can celebrate her birthday with her when they take her for her special day. How awesome would it be to have 6 days celebrating your birthday with family? That would be what she would get if everyone chooses to participate. No matter what I am requesting no gifts from family so I hope everyone finds some time for her. After all she is what it is about not a gift. I am hoping we can do the same with nieces and nephews. Last year we took our youngest niece to the circus with us and I think she had a good time. That to me is way more meaningful then a gift or $. 

So here is to a wonderful 2014! To my PCOS systers and those with infertility baby dust to us all! 

Fertility cycle number two

November 1 I went back to the doctor after being on birth control for a month because of cysts. My ultrasound went great the cysts were gone so on the 3rd I started injections again. This time she started me at 100 units and I went back the following Friday. At that ultrasound there weren't any front runners and after getting my estrogen blood work they called and said to increase to 200 and come back Tuesday. On Tuesday I had a follie (egg) measuring at 17 which was great! A single front runner! So I did one more night of injections and on Wednesday night I triggered! That means on Friday we were doing IUI! I was extremely nervous for the trigger shot because David had to administer it in the muscle but he was so wonderful I didn't feel more then a prick of the needle. On Friday we went up and did the insemination! And the wait began! Two long weeks of waiting before I could test. My estrogen level that day was over 800. For one good egg they like it a over 200 so mine was exceptional! My lining was great and David's numbers were gold star achievable! Everything was perfect! Then finally today was the day to test. I have been thinking about it nonstop for two days. Wasn't sure I would be able to sleep last night! I was afraid to test because if it was negative it would be real. Until that lonely one line I could imagine the what ifs. Well reality had to hit and it hit me snack in the gut. One lonely line it was. It isn't fair. I wanted it to be positive so bad but no matter how hard I looked at it it wasn't changing. No cute ultrasound reveals at Christmas for family. No getting to tell Delainee finally there is a baby in my tummy, that she will be a big sister. We are taking a break until after the holidays. Treatments take up a lot of time. Ultrasounds 2-3 days a week and being hormonal. I would much rather enjoy the holidays and Delainee's Christmas break without that. So next year we will have a new start. And let's face it that is only just over a month away! 

Here is a picture of my first tree that is up :) 

Love my "nature tree". Can't wait to put more trees up! Decorating and having trees up is one of my favorite things! The end result is my favorite of course! Enjoy your Thanksgiving with family or friends and I will update when all my trees are up!

Nothing new to report...

When I went back after my last cycle started I had cysts because of the injections so there is nothing new to report because I was put on birth control for a month and I will go back soon to see if they are gone! Fingers crossed they are! I couldn't feel that they were in there so can't say I feel a difference. I am ready to try this again! If I over produce again it is recommended (she actually gave the option for this round) we do IVF. I am not ready for that because our insurance doesn't cover anything and IFV would take our fertility savings to nothing. And what if it didn't work? We would have to wait a good deal of time to do anything again. So I am just going to focus on today and the days ahead and say a lot of prayers! 

David is busy in the combine but has had short days because of frost or moisture in the mornings. I sure so miss him this time of year but also enjoy this time of year because it is so beautiful and I love the smell of harvest and the sound of a combine in the distance. 

My last post was about our dear Ally whom we had to put to sleep. I miss that girl every day! She was more then a dog she was another member of our family. To help our hearts heal we added a new member to our family. 

Meet Oliver 

The pictures are most recent back to 2 weeks ago! He has grown so much already! He really is a good puppy. Few accidents and sleeps all night and doesn't potty in his kennel! Good boy! For a while he was getting up at 4 to go out. Like having a newborn but a newborn you don't freeze you botty off when you get up. Lol. He will be going to training in a few weeks just like Ally did. She was a wonderful dog and we want to give him the chance to be the best he can be too. 

RIP Ally! You were a good damn dog!

The last week has been such a terrible week for us! A week ago today our girl Ally was hit by a pickup on our dirt road just past our house. We don't have a whole lot of traffic because it turns to dirt after our house but harvest has begun. Ally loved to chase vehicles but always stayed on the bank so this is all still a mystery to us. In fact Monday morning when we came home from town I tricked her and drove past the house and she ran on the bank behind us and then stopped and was waiting for us when we turned around and came home. David was enjoying his coffee before heading over to the farm Monday morning and when he went outside and had been in and out of the truck he just knew there was something wrong. So he drove down the dirt road (stop reading if you don't want details) and found our girls tail in the road. We spent the next hour and a half searching for Ally. Kellie came over and was helping us and decided to look on the other side of the road and saw her head and ears through a pine tree. What we found was our girl alive but in bad shape. She could walk but her abdomen was filleted open and her tail had been ripped out so her hind end was very messed up. We took her to the vet and he said he would do his best to put her back together but couldn't guarantee she would be able to function properly. Through out the week we went in and Thursday even brought her home to try and get her to eat. She couldn't urinate without him pressing her bladder and we still didn't know if she would have bowel control because she wouldn't eat. Well Thursday night he force feed her gravy and Friday morning when we saw her you could tell she had more strength. Unfortunately when we went in Saturday morning, expecting to bring her home for the day the vet told us she had now bowel control. At that point the hard choice had to be made to put her down. She was an inside dog so she couldn't live like that and neither could we. We are trying to expand our family and having dog poop on the floor and shampooing the carpet constantly isn't a healthy environment for anyone, let alone a baby or our 4 year old daughter. It was so hard to say goodbye to Ally and I miss her beyond words. Even though she hasn't been home for a week now except for a day visit I wake up expecting her to meet me in the living room after I go to the bathroom so she can go outside to potty. I would let her out on the deck and she would take off barking to scare off anything that may be in the dark. She wasn't big barker, the vet said she never barked when we would board her when we were out of town. Bless her heart she was just the best girl a family could ask for. I was going through my computer and found this video of her. This was our typical Ally.

 

RIP Miss Ally, we love you so damn much!

 

Feeling Bummed...

I went in on September 4 for my cycle day 3 baseline ultrasound and got the all clear to start Follistim. I started at 75iu a day and was scheduled to go back September 9. Well I went back today and only small follies and I just got the call my E2 (Esterase) level is 49, it should be 100's. So my dose is increased to 225iu a day! Triple what I was on. I go back Thursday the 12th for an ultrasound and blood work. I am praying with all of my heart that this helps! I wouldn't have had enough medication for that high of a dose so luckily my Dr. gave me a sample to add to mine. That saves a considerable amount of $ but moving forward if this cycle doesn't work and my dose was that high it will be so much more $ then I could have ever expected! Just really don't know what to think at this point. I want to be hopeful but just feeling bummed right now. Hopefully Thursday I will fell better about this.


Well I went back yesterday (September 12th) and I had 1 follie on each side measuring 12 which was an increase from 7 so yay! I had lots of little ones she said which hopefully they don't decide to start responding because we don't need to over stimulate and then have a wasted cycle. But I am not going to focus on the what if I am going to focus on the fact that there are 2 follies that are growing! I am continuing on 225iu a day until Sunday and will go back then to have my blood drawn and ultrasound. Oh and I forgot to mention Monday my E2 was 49 Monday and 534 yesterday! So I am responding nicely! They want your level to be 200-600 per mature follie when you trigger and so far I am in that range for when that time comes and it should only rise!

September 15- Well my fear happened :( I over stimulated. 8 eggs were nearly mature so the cycle was canceled. Very bummed! So now the wait is on once again. I am sad that we have to start over with a new cycle, and mad that we spent so much $ on medicine but glad I guess that the first cycle is behind us and we can all learn from it and know what to expect. The dr will be more conservative next cycle so hopefully I won't over produce. We could have continued this cycle but we weren't willing to reduce in the event of more then 3 babies and a multiple pregnancy above that is just too dangerous and my Dr won't proceed, which I can't say I blame her. We certainly couldn't imagine that many babies either because it would involve so many risks. So we are in Omaha and going to enjoy the day with Delainee at Amazing Pizza Machine. :)